You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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