i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
