you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
