my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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