Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize