my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
