At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
