even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
