Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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