i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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