also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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