im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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