I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
