its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize