woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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