Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
