This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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