I got chris browned last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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