and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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