Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
