just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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