All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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