They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize