My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
