You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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