Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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