**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
