a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
