he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
