The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
