i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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