i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You pole danced in your parka.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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