im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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