i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
