no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
