i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
