I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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