It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
