Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
