is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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