guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
