You're so nebulous sometimes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
