she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
