Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
