I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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