Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
