There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
