we have officially lost it.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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