don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We named our party play list daddy issues
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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