no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
