Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
