I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
