youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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