I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
