Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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