Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
