Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
