Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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